“It is peace that does not depend upon the mountain, nor the view, nor the climate, nor upon anything external; it is peace that emanates from within.” ~Belzebuub

I started a course today at GnosticWeb.com. Yes, I continue my search for self. Yes, I was on hiatus…or something. Truth is, I let my hectic life and all its drama get in the way of pursuing my journey. Yes…that’s bad.

But, one thing I have learned is that where I am today is a result of my past decisions…the paradigms that I am working to replace. Where I go depends on my mindset in the here and now. And I am focused and believe that my journey will be successful.

I don’t even remember how I found GnosticWeb. But Gnosticism appealed to me immediately on some levels, since it seems to be a broader form of Christianity, focusing on non-judgmental reasoning. For years now, I’ve considered myself something just left of Christianity…explaining my spiritual beliefs as “agnostic who practices Christianity” or a “universalist”, but never really finding a home where I really fit in. I’ve tried on some different religions for size and there’s always been something that just didn’t completely work with me. Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I am looking for a religion custom fit to all my current knowledge and beliefs. I’m willing, able and even anxious to make some changes. But there are just core principles that need to go along with how I think at present.

Any way, I now find myself a new student at GnosticWeb. New students are required to start course work with the 8-week course on Self Discovery and Peace. I pre-ordered the book we are focusing our study around, The Peace of the Spirit Within; A Guide to Transforming Your Life by Belzebuub. I also purchased a special bookmark with a charm that reads “Dream”. Although I received the book a few weeks ago, I haven’t even crack the spine. So, at the moment, I don’t know who Belzebuub is or why I should value what he says. I only know that this week I need to read the preface, chapter one and chapter two. But as soon as I’m done with this post, I’ll start the first of my weekly required reading.

Along with the reading assignments, we are also given a weekly exercise. I’m rather excited about the first one, which is focused on increasing awareness. Using the five senses to be aware of where I am and what I am doing. I’ll be trying to stop thoughts and emotions from distracting me from my sense of conscious awareness. Not an easy feat for a human who has spent most of her life wrapped up in pseudo-bondage by her thoughts and emotions.

So, I’m back. Back on my path to self-enlightenment; back to the growing pains that I believe to be an important, even crucial, part of my journey to realize my life’s purpose. Back to learning about myself, what makes me click, what will make me better and stronger and more comfortable with the person I am. Back to this blog…back to the still uncomfortable sharing of myself with you. But I know I’m on the right path. And I’m glad you’re here with me. Thank you.

Blessings.

Mari

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On Friday, I picked up a laptop from a friend who I am doing some web design work for.  The idea is that the laptop would help me carve more productive time out of my sometimes insane schedule. Sitting here on my bed with the laptop in my lap…I’m thinking that it might do just that….what a great thought.

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Labor Day weekend is indeed a busy one for me. My son, Ian, was born on Labor Day weekend 9 years ago, come the 4th. Since then, Labor Day weekend has not only been the “end of summer”, the “celebration of the birth of Ian”, but also an opportunity to dance, dance, dance!

Last year, I was very pleasantly surprised to be invited to perform at Schaumburg Fest. It’s quite a bit event, so having the opportunity to showcase some of my hard-working students, as well as my friends, was really a blessing. We did such a great job (there were a lot of “Wow…that was a lot different than I expected” and “I had come because I thought it might be funny, but you guys are actually really good” and “That was really classy!!” responses last year that left me wondering what people actually DID expect…) that we were invited back again this year.

Although the entire show was not video-taped (I’ll go for that next year), it was a huge success and my friend was kind enough to shoot a video of my solo performance. I’m working on getting a photo gallery on the blog, so once I do, you can see pics of my fabulous friends and students, as well!

Enjoy!!

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I always love dancing at the Hafla in the Square. It’s a great environment with really truly wonderful people.

This month’s hafla was especially special for me. First and foremost, one of my bff’s, Julie aka Akasha, debuted (actually TREYbuted) as a solo dancer. She also soloed as an improvisational dancer (not easy to do on your first time out) and with a poi veil, none the less.

The hafla was very small this time, since the weekend also housed the Midwest Belly Dance competition. At 44 years old, I am just glad that everything still moves the way I intend it to, or at least for the most part, so I’m not into competing. I did a bit too much of that in my younger days and throughout my various careers. Anyway, the hafla audience consisted of the people dancing, 3 dancers who normally dance but were not dancing, miscellaneous spouses and companions. All people that I knew and felt really comfortable with.

I had been having a couple of sort of rough days after being on the receiving end of a tiff with a person I had thought was my good friend. I had also been working my butt off trying to put together the Labor Day show for Schaumburg Fest, as well as my Labor Day show for Mt. Prospect, and figuring out what I was dancing to at the Shimmy for the Cure in Elgin coming up this Sunday evening. So…I decided to just let my hair down a bit and have some fun. Which I did. And I’m even going to let you watch me having that fun.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed doing it. Sometimes, you just need to let off some steam by being yourself.

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I’m not a huge fan of email forwards. It’s probably that I just get so many…I find them to be overwhelming at times. If the subject looks interesting, I normally save it and try to get back to read it later.

Today I got an email from my friend, Kristy. I don’t get a lot of email from Kristy, so the fact that she had sent me a forward caught my eye. The subject was “Woman and a Fork”, which also grabbed my attention. So, instead of setting it aside, I went ahead and opened it.

I hadn’t heard this story before, and it really spoke to me, so I wanted to share it with you. Take a look…

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Woman and a Fork

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things ‘in order,’ she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

‘There’s one more thing,’ she said excitedly.

‘What’s that?’ came the Pastor’s reply.

‘This is very important,’ the young woman continued. ‘I want to be buried with a fork in my
right hand.’

The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.

“That surprises you, doesn’t it?’ the young woman asked.

‘Well, to be honest, I’m puzzled by the request,’ said the Pastor.

The young woman explained. ‘My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on
I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, ‘Keep your fork.’ It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming…like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!’

So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to
wonder ‘What’s with the fork?’ Then I want you to tell them: ‘Keep your fork. the best is yet to
come.’

The Pastor’s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the young woman’s casket and they saw the cloak she was
wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, ‘What’s with the fork?’ And over and over he smiled.

During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman
shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.

He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed . They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share… being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.
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I don’t know who the author of this story is or whether it is true or not. I do know that I might now request to be buried with my fork in hand. What a beautiful last gesture and what a wonderful comfort to those who love you to know that you believe in something more to come.

I know that I, for one, look on this lifetime as a challenge that I have accepted. This life is an opportunity for me to grow, to better myself, to balance my karma, to learn, to teach. Where I go from here is left to be seen and experienced.

I feel for those people who believe in nothing. How sad for them to not be able to anticipate something more to come. What will they miss by not keeping their fork? I’m not sure. But I for one will, at the very least, hold tight to my fork in my mind and heart.

I hope you hold on to yours too.

Peace, love and spiritual cutlery to all.
Mari

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I was happy to have the opportunity to perform at the Hafla in the Square last night. I woke up this morning to an email from a fellow belly dancer who had video taped the evening’s performances and was kind enough to share my performance video with me. So, I’m sharing it with you!

As a soloist, I am improvisational. My style is Interpretive Fusion. This means that I do not pre-plan anything that I am doing in the dance and that I combine moves from various dance styles to create my own interpretation of whatever song I am performing to. My normal MO would be to listen to the song as much as possible prior to dancing to it, but without actually dancing. Anyway, here’s a sample…my first video that I have EVER posted online, so please be kind and supportive with your comments so I’m not shy to post more.

The venue hosts an audience in the round, but with the bulk of the audience on one side of the room. This video was shot from slightly behind and to the right of where the front of the audience is. Hope you enjoy!

I am performing to Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”.

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A very old friend of mine (we go back 24 years, I believe) recently sent me a wonderful article he had written about “Motivation and Meditation”. In it (and forgive me for quoting you without your permission, Steve), he says,

Too often, people discuss their past like it was some system of perfectly-choreographed, confident strolls down various smooth paths, from one carefree point to the next. Perhaps it’s a bit embarrassing to admit mistakes to others – or even to one’s self. However, aren’t we doing the younger people a disservice when we present some contrived persona: doesn’t it better prepare them to deal with life’s “curve balls” when we’re honest about our own?

This is something that I feel so strongly about. It immediately brought to mind a blog post that I had written for my MySpace page way back in January 2007. So I took a stroll by there to see if what I had said back then still held true for me now. After all, March 2007 ushered in some pretty serious life changes for me. Reading it, I decided that it still represents exactly who I am and wanted to share it with you. I’d love to hear your opinions, so please comment!

On Growing Up Myself

I have a vivid memory of being 13, being in 8th grade, and thinking that I was about as mature as a person could be. We would sit in my friend Wanda’s house, smoking pot, listening to Cheap Trick and Zeppelin, getting Wanda’s poor kitty, Sensamilian, stoned in a paper bag and giving her rides on the turntable. At that time, we made a pact. That when we were old, we would all find each other, go live in the same nursing home, rocking away, getting stoned, and listen to metal.

I was a normal kid from a normal family. I had my share of trauma drama growing up that led me to be a little more rebellious than I should have been. There was something about the time…the 70’s and early 80’s were just like that, even if you were a “good” kid.

During high school, I spread out my social circle. I was one of the “smart” kids and I was an outsider, having transferred into high school from a private school. My mom was the Special Ed Resource teacher at my very large high school. I had a lot to live down. I was in some of the geeky classes, so I had some geeky friends. I was in performing arts and drama, so I had some artsy drama friends. I had some cheerleader friends. And I had my large group of partying, burnout friends. I found I had aspects of my personality that worked well in each group.

I fell in love for the first time when I was 14. I remember being really pissed off that my parents liked to refer to it as “puppy love”. At 14, I felt like an adult and I felt belittled by my parents because they didn’t take things going on with me seriously. I snuck out of the house on a regular basis, so I could see him. I hitchhiked. I punched holes in walls. I cussed at my parents. I shoplifted. I got good grades. I partied with teachers from my high school.

I did a lot of stupid stuff. I felt like I had good reasons at the time. Yes, some of it was searching for attention. Some of the things I did were a subconscious cry for help. But I was still a decent kid and not all that different from everyone else out there.

Now, as the mom of a 13 year old, I think back to my teenage years. We swore that we would always listen to rock, that we would roll with the changes, that we wouldn’t impose the same restrictions on our kids as our parents had on us. We vowed to be approachable and supportive of our kids. I vowed to just stay alive and out of jail.

It seems that the majority of those who made these same vows forgot about them. It’s amazing how many people, in ALL groups, were huge partiers in high school and college, but, upon entering parenthood, somehow regained their “purity”. In my humble opinion, that’s bigotry.

I love parenthood. I love being around kids of all ages. I don’t think I am one of them. There are no delusions; I’m not trying to relive my lost youth. I’m 42 and proud to have gotten this far. I’m proud of my kids and I think I’m doing a decent job raising them. But the one thing that I do that some of my friends don’t agree with…I am honest with my kids about how I grew up and the stuff I did.

The challenge I face now is being able to be myself without having it affect my children. Last year, some of the kids in the Jr. High decided that I was a “hippy”. Now, in my estimation, a hippy might be someone who is stoned a lot and doesn’t bath all that much. Lol But giving it more thought, I realized that I actually am quite BoHo. After all, I’m a belly dancer. I wear a lot of bracelets. I look young enough to still get away with wearing low rise jeans and clogs. I go barefoot a lot. I have ankle bracelets and toe rings on all the time. I get into holistic healing and metaphysical stuff.

My son, Reece, is a lot more conservative than I am. And you know what? That’s just fine! I think he’s a great kid. He’s smart and talented. He’s interesting. But he’s currently going through that stage in life where being different isn’t good. Do I want my 13 year old to be “Emo”? Not necessarily, but I probably could be considered that, at least as a teenager. I wrote my share of dark prose poetry that was good enough to win contests. I never was a cutter, but I certainly had friends that were. (I don’t agree with cutting, btw, and if you want to talk about it, I’m happy to.) I certainly still enjoy punk and it’s beginnings.

Do I want my kids to be jocks? Actually, I don’t, because I don’t really enjoy sports, but if that makes them happy, I can deal with it.

Do I want my kids to be brains? Well, they are really smart. I do hope they use what they were given for something good. I don’t think it would hurt the world for them to end up as scientists, or professors, or engineers.

What I want most is for my kids to grown up to be themselves, to accept themselves for who they are, be happy and be open-minded, no matter what course in life they choose. Whether I agree with them or not.

When I was a teenager, I never had the goal of growing up as a role model for anyone else. I would have guessed that I would have become the exact opposite, actually. But some of my friends consider me to be a good influence on their kids. The question of my honesty comes up, though. Could a kid who looks up to me as a pseudo roll model think that, to be like me, they need to repeat all the bad stuff I did? God, I would certainly hope not. I know you can’t learn through others’ mistakes, but I think by being honest, maybe I’m just giving them a non-judgmental adult ear and opinion.

Maybe that’s why parents decide that they somehow must put themselves on a self-righteous pedestal. But then, at the same time, with so many parents “forgetting” (and I truly think they DO forget) what they were like when they were young, it makes it more difficult for the parents who decide to be upfront with who they are to their kids. I don’t want to be an embarrassment to my sons. But I do feel that I have earned the right to be myself.

For those of my “kids” who are reading this…keep in mind that, whether your parents remember or not, at one time, they were your age. Even the purest of parents probably did something that they aren’t proud of or that pissed off their parents. Also, remember that someday, you will BE them, whether you think so or not. You are learning now how to interact with own kids. If you don’t like the way you are treated, then don’t do the same stuff to your kids when they are your age. I’ll place bets that your parents treat you a lot like their own parents treated them.

When I became pregnant with Reece, Alan and I sat down and talked about all the dysfunction we were raised with and what we were going to try to do and try not to do with our own kids. I don’t remember ever hearing about anything past early childhood that my parents did that was wrong. It’s not a good way to grow up. Those are unrealistic expectations, even though I knew my parents loved me and were doing that to set a good example.

For parents – find a way to make yourself less of an alien to your kids. And remember that they aren’t aliens. Chances are good that they aren’t all that much different than you were. I look at my son’s friends and each of them reminds me of one of my own friends growing up. They have a lot of the same concerns and problems and they deserve to be taken seriously.

Sure, I yell at my kids. I ground them. At times, I might even swear at them. I’ve been known to go a bit ballistic and throw things around when they aren’t doing what I say. But if they have something bothering them, they also know they can come and talk to me about anything at all. If a kid has the guts to come to an adult, especially their parent, with a problem they consider being serious, they should be treated with respect and honesty, even if the parent thinks the problem is trivial.

I tell the other kids that I am just the “cool mom”, because I’m not THEIR mom. But what I think makes me a “cool mom” is just that I don’t mind listening to something that’s really important to a teenager and giving them some advice based on my own experiences. Being an adult who can also be a friend and mentor is more beneficial then being overly strict OR being overly laid back. You can have rules, you can be treated with respect, and you can still be an adult version of yourself.

The proof of my parenting theory is yet to be proved. If my kids make it to adulthood with no trauma caused by having me as a parent, then I’m going to feel really successful at the job I’ve done. If I can help a few other kids not do some of the stupid stuff I did, just by giving them an adult who cares, then I’ve been really successful.

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As I was surfing about on the Internet the other day, I “stumbled” upon My Success Company. The page I landed on featured a really great little list of rules for being human that was written by Cherie Carter-Scott. I loved the first nine rules. I strive not to experience the tenth rule, although I am certain that in 95% of cases, it stands true.

I contacted the great people at My Success Company and they generously gave me permission to republish the list for all of you. I hope you enjoy it and that maybe, just maybe, it makes you think of the version of humanity you are currently operating under.

Blessing!
Mari

Ten Rules for Being Human
by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

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“To ignore the power of paradigms to influence your judgment is to put yourself at risk when exploring the future. To be able to shape your future, you have to be ready and able to change your paradigm.” ~Joel Arthur Barker

I’ve recently become a fan of James Arthur Ray and have been working through his Science of Success program. Although this article isn’t a product review, I will say that the program is really remarkable and I would highly recommend it to anyone who is serious about making positive changes in their life. Since I’m currently working through the program, you are sure to hear other references to it.

What I am writing about today is paradigms. Paradigms are those pesky mindsets that we own that can sometimes help us along in life, but more normally hinder our development. They are the little voices that tell us that it can’t be done; that we aren’t good enough or smart enough; that life is hard; that money is the root of all evil; that it’s hard to find the right person. We accept these thoughts as our own, when, in reality, these thoughts are usually inherited from our families, our religions, our schools, and our cultures.

As the queen of the analogy, I’d like to compare my mind to my first apartment. When I got my first apartment, I had nothing of my own. My family and friends were kind enough to give me things to use. I inherited a couch, a chair, a bed. There were hand-me-down dishes in my cupboards. Pretty much everything I owned had come from someone who loved me and wanted to help.

Trust me…some of the things were NOT pretty. But did the ugly couch mean that my parents hated me and wanted me to suffer? Absolutely not! My parents really love me and would do nothing intentionally to make me unhappy. They were giving me what they had to give me. That held true with the other hand-me-downs, as well.

I think it’s important to recognize that most of the paradigms we have were not given to us to hurt us in any way. A child falls off his bike and his mother, not wanting to see her child hurt again, tells him that he should be more careful or he could fall off and break his neck. A broken hearted teen is told that love is hard. A young man is told that “money doesn’t grow on trees”. All of these little statements leave a lasting impression on our psyche’. We grow up thinking that it is dangerous, and possibly fatal, to take risks. We believe that love is hard, so expect very little from our partners, or settle for less than we want because we feel we might not find anything better. We have continuous money issues and worries, because we know that money is hard to come by. Pretty much anything short of telling you that you are a being of supreme power and without limits has planted a limiting paradigm.

Probably the hardest, and the most important, thing that we need to do to move on in our lives and personal development has got to getting rid of these paradigms! Until recently, I didn’t even realize how many limiting thoughts and beliefs I actually had. Once I did realize, it was a bit scary! Um…do I have to empty my brain?

Replacing your paradigms is a lot like replacing that old furniture. Sure, you can empty your entire place out and go on a mega shopping spree to get all new stuff. For most of us, that’s not really practical, though. It’s a lot easier to just replace things one at a time. Move a nice new thing in, move an old worn thing out. Keep doing this and taking care of your new things and it won’t be long until you have a really nice place that you love to be in.

Keep in mind, though, that nature abhors an empty space. So, if you are taking something out without putting something good back in, the space WILL be filled, just not necessarily with the best. So work on making conscious choices about what goes into your brain and make sure it doesn’t have limiting attachments.. You don’t want to replace a negative mindset with another, different, negative mindset.

No matter what sort of “positive thinking” exercises you may be doing to get your life on track and achieve your goals, they are absolutely worthless if your current paradigms are limiting you. Take a step back and take the time to understand what makes you tick. Make conscious efforts to replace negative mindsets that limit you with positive mindsets that allow you to achieve anything that you want in life.

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My grandmother was born in 1890, long before the invention of “proper” medications. In spite of the fact that she didn’t have sophisticated medical treatment during some of the most crucial years of her life, she still managed to overcome gangrene as a child, survive meningitis at 97 and live to the ripe age of 102. I was lucky enough to have my grandmother come to live with my family when I was born. As a result, I experienced many natural and home remedies that brought me safe and healthy through my childhood.

Modern drugs can be life savers. But, they also often have too many side effects to justify popping a pill for every little ache and pain. Home and herbal remedies may not immediately eliminate your symptoms, but when used correctly, can heal safely and with no side effects. Many current “wonder drugs” have been found to eliminate symptoms, yet have little if any effect on the problem’s actual cause. Better yet, home remedies tend to use accessible ingredients and are easy to prepare. Why put chemicals in your body that may have damaging side effects when you could possibly help yourself quicker, easier and with less expense? As this is the first of the article series, I’m going to give you a quick break down for preparing home remedies.

Compress

A compress is a piece of cloth that is soaked in a bowl of hot or cold herbal extract. A compress is used to ease painful joints and muscles, and can also be used to soothe skin rashes. Pretty much any herb can be used for a compress, since it is used externally. Soak a piece of cheesecloth or link in your choice of herbal infusion and apply it to the affected area.

Tincture

A tincture is an alcoholic extract, in this case using an herb. To make a tincture, put 4 ½ cups of fresh herbs or 1 ¾ cups dried herbs in a jar and add 2 ½ cups vodka to act as a preservative. Add a bit less than a cup of water to the mixture, then seal the jar well and store it in a cool place for 2-3 weeks, shaking it occasionally. After the 2-3 weeks, strain the liquid through a cheesecloth bag into clean container. Transfer the liquid into sterilized bottles and seal.

Steam Inhalation

Steam inhalations are best used for stressed or inflamed lungs. You can make the infusion with herbs of your choice or essential oils added to a basin of hot water. Drape a towel over your head as you lean over the basin. The towel will help to keep the steam in. Inhale slowly and deeply for a few minutes.

Infusion

An infusion is a hot or cold beverage in which desired herbs have been steeped. To make an infusion, pour 2 ½ cups hot whatever over ¼ cup dried herbs or ½ cup fresh herbs in a pot. Cover the pot and let the herbs infuse for about 10 minutes. Strain the infusion through a plastic tea strainer. You can add honey or unrefined sugar to taste. You would normally drink a cup of the infusion at a time. The remainder can be stored in the refrigerator for up to 48 hours.

Okay, there are your basics. I will be focusing on home treatments for various common ailments throughout this series. As always, I welcome your comments. You are also free to post your own home remedies that compliment each article.

To your health and well being!

P.S. If you are interested in natural health but just don’t feel you have the where-with-all to make your own, check out Native Remedies. I use their products often and with great success. Click here for monthly specials from Native Remedies to save you up to 25%!

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